After being in the incredibly long line of volunteers for about five minutes, the man that was in charge of pairing people up called out, asking for any Spanish speakers. I raised my hand so he directed me towards a woman that stood by the front door. I introduced myself as we made our way into the building. Soon enough I found out that my client (whom we’ll call Erin) was not a Spanish speaker, but since we were already inside the building and she seemed like a very nice lady, I decided to stick with her.
I was very nervous about talking to Erin at first. I simply had no idea what to say. However, according to most articles this is a common emotion when you are first put into this sort of situation, “Some students can do little else than smile, utter a greeting, and then remain silent” (Ostrow, 369). This quotes illustrates exactly what I did when Erin and I started walking towards the tables. I was confused about what I was supposed to say. Whether I should start asking her questions right away or if I should perhaps tell her my life story so she would feel more comfortable around me.
However, as we took a seat, I realized that getting her information wouldn’t be a problem. As soon as we sat down she asked me, “Alright, what do you need to know?” She was an open book within the first five minutes upon meeting her. To the question of what were some of the reasons that she became homeless in the first place she quickly and blatantly responded, “mental problems, crack addiction, and domestic violence.” I was a bit shocked at her response, but I was also pleasantly surprised that she was so honest with me from the very beginning. In addition, she had responded with a smile on her face, which told me she wasn’t ashamed. It was this sincere response that made me realize that we were going to get along just fine.
Throughout the day the issue that stroke me as the most important was the fact that although my client and I were completely different, we could always find some common ground. For example, on our way to seek some legal advice we came across a place were our clients could get some clothes. Erin immediately got excited. Now, I’m not a girly girl, and neither were she, but the excitement of pampering herself seemed very familiar to me. Apparently, my client wasn’t the only one thrilled for those clothes, another volunteered also had a similar findings with her client, “She was super excited about getting some relatively nice clothes because she thought it could help her with her job interview,”(Vandahl). This shows that even the simple fact of having a nice shirt can really help someone that is in this sort of circumstances. While looking for clothes with Erin, it also showed me that, for women at least, the act of pampering oneself through clothes is universal.
Another subject that made me realize that we weren’t so different after all was the way she viewed her family. As we sat next to a lawyer, because Erin had suggested that she might need some legal advice, I listened to her very engaging story. She described to the lawyer how she wanted to get some visitation rights for her grandchildren. She explained that since her son had gone to jail, she hadn’t been able to spend time with her grandchildren because her daughter-in-law doesn’t permit it. I came to understand how important seeing her family was to her, and how this was another thing we had in common. Sure, I might not have a son in jail, or have a crazy daughter-in-law that throws stuff at me when I attempt to see family members, but the importance of having a family was the same for the both of us.
After the lawyer we visited was unable to give her any useful information, we decided to take a break outside. She searched her bag and at the bottom found her cigarette pack, although she only had two cigarettes left, she offered me one. Despite the fact that I don’t smoke, I found it very sweet that she offered. We sat on the bench and talked. Our conversation didn’t seem like one in between a volunteer and a client, rather a conversation in between friends. She asked me about my life and I asked her about hers. I felt so comfortable talking to this woman that an hour before had just been a stranger.
As we were sharing laughs and such, a man came outside to smoke a cigarettes, thus I discovered we shared another thing in common. Erin blatantly stared at this man. She curiously looked at him for about a minute and then looked back and me and said “Maybe if he had more hair and lost that beer belly…” I couldn’t help myself and I started laughing harder than I had in a very long time. Over the next fifteen minutes or so we bonded over the conversation of how hard to understand guys are. As a research article points out, “becoming engaged in conversation -often by “landing” a topic of mutual interest- alters student’s relations with the guests,” (Ostrow, 369). For Erin, and myself we found that this common topic was boys. A classmate of mine writes about the common topic he had with his client, “ Phil and I bonded when the talk turned to crappy jobs we both had… we both shared the mutual sentiment that warehouse jobs suck solely due to ambient outside temperatures” (Timko-Maderia). Having such topics, such as boys or jobs, things that are common, really makes the bonding experience much easier to come across. It showed me that although I might be completely different from Erin, we still shared things in common.
Throughout the rest of the afternoon the book “Ragged Dick and Struggling Upward” came to my mind. I couldn’t help to think that the bond in between Dick and Frank was very similar to the one that Erin and I had formed. I, like Frank had been really privileged with my life thus far. While Erin reminded me a lot of Dick; she might not have the best living situations and the easiest life, but she keeps her chin up and is grateful for what she does have. The relationship that Frank and Dick formed in a short amount of time seemed very earnest, such was the relationship that Erin and I made in just a couple hours.
Time rolled around so fast, that I was shocked when she told me that she had to go catch her bus. Saying goodbye to her was bittersweet. I was so thankful that I had gotten to spend time with this wonderful lady, and that we were able to share all those great conversations and laughter together. On the other hand, I didn’t want to say goodbye to her just yet. I knew that I might not ever see Erin again but I didn’t want to ask her for her phone number or anything like that, because I feel as though that would have been a little weird. As we were wrapping up our conversation she said to me “I think you should really consider working as a mental health psychologist, we need more people like you, people that actually care and are not just working for the paycheck.” This really had an impact on me. First off because it made me realize that perhaps a lot of the people that work in mental institutions are really only there for the money, which is really sad to take into account. However, it also left an impression on me because it was one of the biggest compliments I’ve received. To have someone like this woman, after only spending a couple hours with me, tell me that I’m someone that “actually cares” was really impacting. I gave her a hug, which I gathered she wasn’t expecting, because she seemed to smile at the thought, and then she was off on the bus.
Although I started the day as a nervous wreck, when homeless project connect ended I felt very satisfied. It was incredible to see how no matter the differences between two people, that there is always a common ground to be shared. For Erin and myself this common ground was clothing, family and boys. Fairly usual topics, but topics with which we could enjoy our time together. Erin showed me that although unexpected, you can find friends anywhere you go. That homeless folk are regular people that have simply had some rough times. People that after only a couple hours of being around, can really change your outlook on life.
Bibliography
Alger, Horatio. Ragged Dick and Struggling Upward. Penguin Books: New York, 1985.
Ostrow, James M. “Self-Consciousness and Social Position: On College Students Changing their Minds about the Homeless.” Qualitative Sociology 18 (1995): 357-375.
Timko-Maderia, Patrick. “Field Notes from Project Homeless Connect.”
Civic Engagement Blog for WRIT 1133-01, Spring 2009. 24 Apr. 2009. 5 May 2009
Vandahl, Michael. “Field Notes from Project Homeless Connect.”
Civic Engagement Blog for WRIT 1133-01, Spring 2009. 24 Apr. 2009. 5 May
2009 < http://writ113301spring2009.blogspot.com/2009/04/field-notes-from project-homeless.html>.
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